The Birdman of Alcatraz

The other morning as I was letting my dogs out, I could hear a Woodpecker in my yard.  As I ventured towards the trees to see if I could get a closer look, a thought occurred to me.  Who named that bird?  I mean, Wood Pecker for a bird that pecks wood?  It seems fairly obvious, no? 

There are Sparrows, Owls, Robins, Wrens and Cardinals, to name a few.  Why is the Woodpecker the only bird named for what it does?  For instance, why don’t they call Hummingbirds “Fastwingflappers” and Ostriches “Sandheadstickers?” It's an outrage.

I decided I'm going to send an e-mail to that Autobahn guy and tell him to stop worrying about cars in Germany and start working on renaming the Woodpecker.  Oh, and the Swallow too.  The people from Capistrano can get a new song.

Not What the Doctor Ordered

Since I turned 50 I’ve been contemplating having a colonoscopy.  So far I’ve decided against it although I have to admit I’ve been taking a fair amount of heat from a friend who recently became an RN.  She said if it made me feel any better, she would have it done with me.  It didn't.

Since many of my friends have had colonoscopy’s I thought I’d ask them and see what they thought about the procedure.  Except for a cousin of mine that is, who has stated that she enjoys them.

I started with a friend whose husband had recently undergone one, or so I thought.  As it turned out, he was sent home by his practitioner.  I immediately started to panic, wondering what kinds of things go wrong that make a doctor feel the need to cancel a procedure of this nature.

It seems that my friend’s husband was told that after midnight the night before, all he was allowed to consume was clear liquids.  He erroneously took that to include, but not be limited to, Absolut Vodka and Bombay Gin.

He rescheduled for a week later, which gave my friend plenty of time to change the locks on her liquor cabinet.

Not What the Doctor Ordered

Since I turned 50 I’ve been contemplating having a colonoscopy.  So far I’ve decided against it although I have to admit I’ve been taking a fair amount of heat from a friend who recently became an RN.  She said if it made me feel any better, she would have it done with me.  It didn't make me feel better.

Since many of my friends have had colonoscopy’s I thought I’d ask them and see what they thought about the procedure.  Except for a cousin of mine that is, who has stated that she enjoys them.

I started with a friend whose husband had recently undergone one, or so I thought.  As it turned out, he was sent home by his practitioner.  I immediately started to panic, wondering what kinds of things go wrong that make a doctor feel the need to cancel a procedure of this nature.

It seems that my friend’s husband was told that after midnight all he was allowed to consume was clear liquids.  He erroneously took that to include, but not be limited to, Absolut Vodka and Bombay Gin.  I wish I was making that up.

He rescheduled for a week later, which gave my friend plenty of time to change a few locks in her house.