You've Got to be Kidding

What is it with women who spit out half a dozen kids and then expect everyone else to help take care of them?  Is this something new?  I’m not even talking about these pseudo famous idiots out there with reality TV shows.  I’m talking about common, everyday housewives who either can’t or won’t take care of their own children. 

I have two friends who each had 4 kids in rapid fire succession and then, after finding out that kids are basically crap machines with ears, decided that their families had to help them out.  And when the families didn’t, they complained vehemently to me.  I told them that if they needed a break their little ones could swim in my pool for the afternoon, but when I advised them that I would be in my house sleeping, they declined.  But then I’m only a neighbor who could not care less for children, or teenagers or humans in general.  Imagine their consternation when finding out that their family wasn’t overjoyed either at the prospect of changing dirty diapers and cleaning up projectile vomit for 4 kids all under the age of 5.  Of course by the time the parents realized help wouldn’t be forthcoming, it was too late to push the kids back in. 

My advice to prospective mothers is to figure out ahead of time how YOU will take care of YOUR kids by YOURself on the off chance that your family doesn’t line up to apply for the non-paying, unrewarding, part time job of crap/vomit cleaner and on-call babysitter.  My guess is your family wasn’t in the back seat of the car with you guys when all this spawning was going on, so don’t expect them to come running just because you can’t handle it. 

If you’re going to make the conscious decision to engage in an activity that has been proven in clinical studies to lead to pregnancy, then you need to ask yourselves the following question; am I WILLING to take care of my children by myself, sans lazy husband?  Because if the answer to that is a resounding no, then you need to either stop the aforementioned activity or use many, many forms of protection up to and including sterilization and castration.